A Remedy Against Sin
by snowbryneich
Summary: Elizabeth doesn't get kidnapped by pirates - but having one strip her to her underwear in public is just as damaging to her reputation. Luckily a ruined reputation is not enough to put off James Norrington - not that Elizabeth appreciates that.
1. A bad beginning

"Wilt thou have this Man to thy wedded Husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?" Mr. Milbank's high snotty voice only made the wedding vow seem even more unappealing to Elizabeth and when she went to answer her throat seemed far too dry and nothing came out.

The silence echoed around the church and Elizabeth took a shuddering breath trying to summon up all her courage. Her father was watching her anxiously – he did not trust her to be sensible and Elizabeth sucked in another lungful of air – as best she was able in her wedding gown. The corset felt like a vice. A cage just like this marriage.

Mr. Milbank gave her a disapproving glare and repeated the question. Elizabeth knew he disapproved of her because ever since the banns had been called for her and James' wedding - his sermons had been pointed reminders of why Elizabeth was lucky to be wed at all. Sermons on the dangers of associating with loose women, sermons on the importance of the purity of a wife. Sermons on why modesty was to be valued in a woman.

Elizabeth had sat through them all stoically refusing to let herself blush or be ashamed. So what if half the fort had seen her in nothing more than a damp shift. She had nearly drowned and it was _not_ her fault. So what if everyone knew she was only engaged because Commodore Norrington had offered for her moments before her fall from the battlements which had become her fall from grace and was too much of a gentleman to withdraw the offer. It was probably half guilt too - he had apologised repeatedly that his marines had not tracked down Captain Jack Sparrow, once he had removed her corset and threatened her and then fled the scene. The pirate had saved her and ruined her all in one day. She was not really sad he wouldn't be hung. At least it was something she could hold against James. Perhaps if James were not her betrothed perhaps he would be one of the officers who sniggered at her in the street and muttered obscene things just loudly enough for her to hear but no-one else.

But that was unfair. He would never be so improper. James had reassured her repeatedly he had not changed his opinion of her at all. Elizabeth knew that was kind of him. She did not want his kindness. Or his good opinion. Or his offer of marriage. Yet here they were. The priest cleared his throat and Elizabeth took a deep breath and answered before he asked a third time. "I will," she said clearly. Because what other choice did she have.

By the time the rest of the ceremony was over, Elizabeth was looking firmly at the floor as if the polished buckles on James' shoes were especially interesting. Her own fine brocade shoes pinched her feet and she was trembling, she would not cry she told herself. She was beyond relieved when James barely touched her for their nuptial kiss, his lips brushing hers so quickly it would have been easy to miss it. Though it was only a temporary reprieve. He was her husband now. Then he took her arm and steadied her as they left the church.

.

The wedding celebration was at Government House - her father's house, but hers no longer. It still gave her a chance to sneak off and catch her breath though she knew she would not get away with it for long. Her father would send Estrella to scold her and that would only make her maid feel badly. They had already fought that morning because Estrella had been appalled Elizabeth had the pirate medallion tucked down her gown for her wedding - but Estrella had talked her out of wearing it for the promotion ceremony and that had hardly proved lucky had it. Estrella felt differently of course. Estrella told her daily how pleased she was for her, how the Commodore was a fine man. How Elizabeth would be an Admiral's wife in no time. That last was probably true. Her father would use all his influence on James' behalf now - he would have supported James' career anyway no doubt anyway as his son in law but now - _now_ her father was indebted to James for taking her despite her ruined reputation.

It was not as if Elizabeth had been planning on turning James down. Not really. She would have accepted him - she thought she would have anyway. She knew James. She liked James. And she knew very well there were worse men who wanted her only for her dowry. Or her father's influence. But she had wanted to be able to decide for herself. It was the one right a woman had in the matter after all. Everything else related to the marriage market was a man's choice. Who they were introduced to, who they asked to dance, who they eventually courted and who they proposed to. Elizabeth could not even decline a dance with a man her father's age without having to sit out the whole night. Surely it was not too much to ask that she get to decide her own answer to a proposal.

But she had not - even if Elizabeth would have accepted James of her own accord she had been sat down by her father, lectured on the talk about her that the whole town had heard and been told to give James an answer at the next available opportunity. The _right_ answer. To facilitate this James had been invited to dinner the very next night and her father had not even allowed them to be alone while she told him rather begrudgingly that she would marry him. James had not even seemed angry with her that she was being so difficult and had only apologised that it was his promotion ceremony that been the setting for her difficulties. Difficulties indeed. A mild word to describe her humiliation and it was kind of him to downplay it. But she did not want his kindness and she did not want his pity and she did not want his hand in marriage. But she had them all the same.

.

It was James not Estrella who found her in the end. She found herself resenting that he came into her room which he would never have done before - not even when she was a child. But then he had every right now, she reminded herself bitterly thinking of the priests rather forceful reminder that a wife should submit to her husband and of the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. It wasn't even really her room anymore - all of her thing were packed and most of them would have been taken to her new home while they had been at church. "Are you alright, Elizabeth," he said and she wipes at her face, embarrassed. He offers a handkerchief and she was outraged - she was not some milksop who was going to cry in his arms. "I know Mr. Milbank upset you - I will speak to him."

"I am not upset," she snapped hotly, annoyed at being caught out. "And I don't give a damn what Mr. Milbank said - he's a horrid old lecher who stares down girl's dresses at every service and if he saw a lady in her shift he'd probably drool." Horrid old hypocrite, she thought - she would not be going back to church unless James physically dragged her.. "I just want a minutes peace - is that too much to ask. I don't live under your roof yet and when I do I'd prefer you stay out of my room."

James was silent in the face of this tirade and then he bows stiffly, begs her pardon and leaves. Then she did cry because now she had made things worse.

.

Eventually, she washed her face and went back to the party. She sat by James and smiled at everyone who looked her way. She was polite in the face of the well-wishers. She did not touch a bit of food - not even the cake but she did partake freely of the wine and the rum punch and even stole a glass of brandy that had been poured for her father.

She was dizzy with drink by the time James shows her to the carriage but still entirely aware - it as if she could not get properly drunk despite her best efforts.

He helped her out of the carriage at his home and carried her over the threshold. Just for a moment, he seemed to hold her so close she did not think he would put her down. But he did and he gave her a brief tour of the house and when they ended at her room he could barely look her in the eye. "A maid will come," he said. "If you ring, but if there is anything you need now I can fetch. . .

"No thank you," she said politely. She had resigned herself to this. "If you could give me a half an hour or so to prepare - I will join you." She had asked him to stay out of his room and the only way she can see to make that happen was for her to go to his. Oh he would give her time she was sure if she asked. But what was the point - she cannot put him off forever. He started to tell her something - perhaps that she need not join him but she shuts the bedroom door in his face. She did not want his pity.

.

She had a pretty shift to wear for the wedding night. Shopping for it had been a nightmare. Three different shop girls had laughed at her and one had offered her a silk so fine it had been see through - 'it almost looks wet through' the girl had said slyly. Elizabeth had left and sent Estrella to a different dress shop to buy something pretty without her. It was just as well her father had gone quite mad with her trousseau. She wouldn't be giving them any more business so it was good to have an excuse not to.

She rang for the maid and was helped out of her gown and corset and into the shift. Her hair was unpinned and left down in soft curls. She certainly looked ready for her wedding night.

James was still dressed when she went through to his room and he turned at the sound of her at the door. He had opened his mouth as if to say something but instead he stood in silence and gaped at her. She scowled. "Don't you like it?" she said huffily waving one hand at the white silk. "I can remove it. After all half the fort saw me in my shift. Perhaps you feel as my husband you are entitled to go one step further."

"Elizabeth," he snapped. "Do not be ridiculous." He took a deep breath. "I do not feel I am entitled to anything. You need not feel obligated." He took a step towards her. "I would never expect you to feel you owed me anything in this fashion. We can wait. Until you want to. Until you feel comfortable."

It was so tempting. But Elizabeth was determined not to back down. "I am comfortable now," she said. After all for all the advice she had been given - it was not as if she was going to like it. She would rather get it over with. She went to him and began to unpin his wig. "Must you wear this in the house?" she complained. "It's dreadfully stuffy. You are much more handsome without it."

He reached for her and stilled her hands. "Alright," he said."I won't if you prefer it. Why don't you sit down while I prepare for bed."

Elizabeth did as she was told and perched on the end of the bed, she stared at him boldly the entire time he was undressing. She was _ruined_ \- why should she pretend to be shy and retiring and innocent.

He stopped when he got to his shirt though and came to bed. He kissed her forehead, then one cheek, then the other before he tangled one hand in her hair and tilted her face up to his and kissed her deeply, his mouth plundering hers and she made a small noise of surprise before he pressed her into the pillows and his touch began to roam.

.

Elizabeth could do nothing more than lay there scandalised. She could not believe James Norrington was doing such improper things to her. She could not believe the places he was touching her and where he was putting his mouth. She could not believe how _good_ it felt and she squirmed under his touch and panted for breath and then shouted out in surprise when it finally became too much for her. Then she lay there stunned, shamed and aglow with pleasure. She wondered if this was some kind of trick? Had he done those things to her to prove she was as shameful as everyone said. But then she realised what the hard pressure pressed against her thigh was and she knew it was his turn. "I'm ready, James," she said quietly.

"I do not want to hurt you," he said quietly. He was watching her so carefully and she stared back evenly determined to not seem pathetic.

"I do not think you have much choice in the matter," she said pointedly. The first time hurt for women - everyone knew that. "All Sparrow relieved me of was my corset and my reputation. My virtue is quite intact." Her caustic tone only puts him off further and she feels him shift away from her and she feels that may be the end of it. "Please James," she said quietly. "I want to have a proper wedding night - don't I deserve that? Don't you want me?"

He kisses her again and she holds tightly to him until he presses her thighs apart and then he is on her. _In her._ It does not hurt as much as she feared but he is being very careful of her. She closes her eyes and took a deep breath. "It is alright James, You won't break me." And then he finally starts to move and she is startled - how can something sting and feel good. It is only just getting interesting again when he shudders and stilled against her and she sighed even though she knew was being greedy. It had already been much better than she thought it would be.

.

He pulled her close and tried to kiss her again and she lay limp in his arms until he took the hint and let her go. She sat up. "Thank you James," she said. "That was much more tolerable than I had been led to expect." He flinched and Elizabeth felt both guilty and pleased that she had hit so close to the mark. "I am going to sleep in my own room," she said. "And I prefer to have that to myself. But you are welcome to summon me when you want me. I am not insensible of what I owe you."

James looks as if she has struck him for a long moment and then his face closed down to a stoic face - his officers face. "You do not _owe_ me anything."

Elizabeth shrugged. "Yet _everyone_ has been telling me for weeks how grateful I should be," At least tonight she would not be the only one who goes to bed angry. A pyrrhic victory at best. "Have it your own way, James," she said and fled next door to her own room and her own space. All she had done was what was required of her - why should she feel guilty for being dutiful. But she did and tonight in this strange house and strange bed she would hold that against him as well.


	2. A series of revelations

Marriage, Elizabeth had to begrudgingly admit, was not as bad as she had anticipated it would be. James was kind to her, she could not deny that. He allocated her funds for decorating her room so she did not have to use her allowance to fund it and so she could add her own touches to the room and house, he had added books to the small library that were more to her taste. He treated her with respect and had said he had a fine housekeeper so she could take on as much or as little of the running of the house as she liked. She had read none of the books and changed not a single thing in her room or the decor of the house. She would not be beholden to him any more than she already was.

And she did not want to go to town - not to shop or not for any other reason. She could not go anywhere without there being sniggers and comments and innuendo and if she was not married to James she would have felt threatened by the frank looks from many of the men. Not that she would ever admit this. And James would not know of course, that she was ignoring his gestures- which she was sure were out of pity. Thus far he had obeyed utterly her stricture that he stay out of her room, nor did he ever summon her to his bed, though she had made the offer repeatedly - often at inopportune moments, just to see his face colour that she would speak of such things in front of the servants.

.

The housekeeping she took a little interest in, if only because she was sure he had only offered to be proper. He'd much rather trust some fussy old housekeeper than her. But she did want to make her own decisions and have the household run her way. Plus she was sure if she did nothing it would only be further proof to the servants - who of course had heard the gossip as well as everyone else - that she was not fit to be the Commodore's wife. She sat down with the housekeeper once a week, reviewed menus and did her own accounts. She thought if she hadn't had that it would have felt more like being James' ward than his wife given the lack of interest he apparently had in her. So she decided to change that.

.

While James never summoned her to do her wifely duty - she went to his bed anyway. She had not planned on it but after their wedding night -after the startling scandalous pleasure he had visited on her, she had been unable to stop thinking about it. So she had gone back. The first time she had joined him again at night he had been surprised - more than surprised -and had immediately attempted to dismiss her, telling her again "You do not owe me anything, Elizabeth. Intimacy should not be a matter of duty."

She had scowled at him. "Well as long as you do not want anything I shall just have to do without then?" she had said cross and frustrated - it had taken her a week to work up the nerve to approach him and she had only done it because now she was dreaming of him. She had woken every day trembling with arousal and embarrassed to be slick between her thighs.

James looked as if she had announced she wanted to run off to Tortuga and hunt Jack Sparrow down herself. Though he probably thought that more likely than her wanting to share his bed. "I did not realise you felt yourself deprived," he said coldly. "Considering you found the act tolerable."

She flushed that she had not seen that coming back to bite her. And she had said ' _more tolerable.'_ Then she looked away hurt and cursed herself for being such a ninny. She was not willing to let him have the upper hand. 'Well it hurt," she said softly which she knew would make him feel guilty though it could not have been avoided. Then as if that was not enough she decided to insult his prowess. "But I know you tried to please me, I thought it might be different now." She offered a sad smile and deliberately looked a little crestfallen. "I am sorry if is an imposition."

.

She was not sure of course - having tried so many things at once which of those manipulations was the one that had the effect she wanted but it did not really matter. She got what she wanted. James took her to his bed and it was every bit as overwhelming as the first time. And worse not only was his touch overwhelming now that she was no longer a virgin it was nearly as good when he had her. She lay there after breathless and wrung out with pleasure. James was close and watching her - he looked more than a little smug. She supposed he was due that. "Good night James,' she said and slipped back to her own bed to sleep alone. Elizabeth never stayed with him after. It was not that she did not like lying in his arms after intimacy - it was that she liked it a little too much. It would be easy to want this kind of affection even when she had not paid for it with intimacy and she did not mean to want things she cannot have.

.

But she still went to his bed frequently after that. Not every night of course - she had some pride. And never regularly enough to be predictable. She was never left wanting - in fact despite of her goading James regularly, she could never keep the lead on the act once they are started. She was startled by the number of angles they could take and she thought she had had his mouth everywhere on her body and even just his hands could leave her helpless and pleading in the face of his expertise. He was quite often drunk when she came to him as well. She liked that too. The taste of rum or brandy in his mouth and the sense he was not quite in control.

She had asked only once about his experience before her which had gone poorly. He had been on her - _in her_. She had her hands tangled in his hair, clutching tightly at him - she loved his hair, she had been surprised to realise. He always removed his wig in the house now as per her request but even then his hair - fine and dark and so much better than the wig - was always tightly bound in a queue. Until she got her hands on it. She liked to untidy him. Elizabeth loved that only she saw him like that. That she could tangle her hands in his hair and ruffle him. That she could make him moan and pant even if he could do the same for her. When it had occurred to her that while she was the one doing it to him now he clearly had had women before, she had not liked the notion at all. Though it was hard to focus on her jealously when she was with James.

He had shifted them once he was in her, so her hips were tilted, her legs pressed back, one lifted until she could curl it over his shoulder so he could bury himself even deeper inside her.

Elizabeth loved it when he had her like this - it felt like every nerve ending was on fire and the way he watched her - watched them - watched himself inside her while he did it made her crazy. She would never admit it but he obviously knew it from the amount of times he had taken her this way. So she was already close when he released her leg, leaned down to kiss her and startled her when he buried his face in her neck and told her. "You have the prettiest quim." Elizabeth should be pleased by having pushed him to such forward language but the words are like a bucket of cold water and her arousal vanishes instantly. Instantly it was as if she was on the street pretending not to hear as some man mutters to a companion about her thin shift and how they had seen that her wet shift had not hidden her cunt or her teats or that it had clung to her arse or the things they would do to her if they'd ended up stuck with such a disgraced wife. Perhaps James had decided what he saw was worth having too, perhaps that was why he had not withdrawn his offer.

"Seen them all have you? She demanded squirming until he released her legs. "Just how many women have you had? I knew you were proficient at this but that seems excessive."

He blinked at her, taken aback by this sudden tirade. "Elizabeth, that is hardly relevant," he said stiltedly. He was blushing now and she rolled her eyes. He attempted to distract her with his touch but she lay there stiff and awkward and suddenly scared. Was this all he wanted from her? Was that why he doesn't care that society still had not accepted her.

He was baffled by this sudden turn of mood and rolls off her at once. She should be relieved because she didn't want to anymore but instead she was only outraged to be babied in such a fashion. "Gone off my quim already?" she said. "You seemed so fond a moment ago."

He did not let himself be goaded this time and instead only seems concerned. "Elizabeth, is something wrong? You cannot possibly care about what I did before marriage."

"Not at all," she said lying. "If you are done with me. I'll retire." She did not wait for an answer.

.

She fled back to her own room and lay awake all night berating herself. Now he would think she'd been being dutiful again and either he would not touch her or he'd blame her for being a tease. The next night the adjoining door was locked. Which answers that. For a week or so, Elizabeth was stymied but then they only have a small household and it was not as if she was never alone with her husband. So she corners him in the library and with a little persuasion, he had her on the chaise lounge there. She slipped into his lap in the parlour and rode him without even unlacing her dress knowing a maid could interrupt them at any moment. She did not have to restrict herself to the bedroom.

.

Her greatest triumph to her mind was the time they'd been improper in the garden. James had come home from the fort to find her reading in the sunshine - he had attempted to make polite conversation. He did all the time. Elizabeth assumed this was some sort of test of her ability to re-join polite society if she ever got invited anywhere ever again. So she gave him perfect dull rote answers. Mostly. Except when she slipped something improper in such as answering James' polite enquiry about the course of her day by innocently saying she missed being kissed. He had softened towards her for a moment. And pulled her close.

She was nearly distracted – James was a good kisser and it would have been easy to pretend he wanted her properly. That this marriage was what he originally had proposed and not just something he had followed through from obligation. Or lust. Occasionally she held out hope it was not just lust – he had never required anything of her and he could have. But sometimes she thought it would be better if he had only married her because he liked the sight of her in her shift. At least he would have wanted her then. So she let him kiss her for a long time while she pretended. But then he pulled back to look at her and she cannot help but push. "That wasn't the sort of kiss I meant," she said.

He had pulled away and for a moment she had expected that he would leave. He was clearly angered. Or even if he would indulge her she thought he would take her indoors. She had not expected him to bear her down to the soft grass and lift her skirts and use his mouth _right_ there in the garden. He was wickedly good at that and he deliberately teased her he took her close to climax, what seemed like half a dozen times slowing the way he used his tongue against her before it actually happened. "James - oh god please, _please_ ," she begged. And then she was there, crying out his name, with his face buried between her thighs with nothing but the garden walls to give them any hint of privacy. She thought he would have her after but he did not - he pulled down her skirts so she was not exposed. Then he walked away, his gait stiffer than normal. His face closed off entirely.

.

Of course, being pleased with herself doesn't help when James starts to avoid her more thoroughly. If she entered a room he was alone in, he stood, bowed, made his excuses and left. He ate with her of course. He escorted her to dinners at her father's house - the only invites they received currently. But he seemed to be done with her, otherwise. Elizabeth briefly considered what she could do to change his mind - she considered claiming she wanted to try for a child but she did not think he'd believe her. One night he was working late in his study and she decided just to be direct. She went to his study in nothing but her shift, her hair down and she sat down in his lap. "Don't you miss me?" she said. "I miss you."

"You do not miss me," he said coldly but there was a note of hurt in his voice and she pushes away a pang of guilt. "You miss being fucked, Elizabeth. It is all you are interested in. Forgive me if I wanted more from marriage."

"Yes," she said. "I know. You wanted a fine woman. A smart match. But you knew I was ruined and married me anyway so it is hardly my fault that if there is little use for me but to warm your bed." A proper wife would be out winning him social capital and befriending the women whose husband had influence with the admiralty board. Not sitting at home being shunned by society.

But she was startled by the look he gave her, his green eyes darkening with fury and she pulls back a little frightened. She has never seen him so angry. She did not think he could be. "Is that what you think?" he demanded, "That I wanted a social match. That I think of you as a _bed warmer._ "

Elizabeth was entirely thrown by his response. "What else would you think of me?" she said defiantly. "I hear the talk. Half the men who were there like to comment on what they saw that day."

" _What,_ " he said, his tone horrified. And she knew she had been mistaken - he could be angrier. She wished she could recall the words. She had been sure he knew what his men said abut her but apparently not. He stood near knocking her from his lap but then he snatched her up, his hands rough on her wrists as he shook her "What men - what comments."

"I do not know," she said panicked. "Just men who were there that day. Who saw me. They say things." She tries to play it off as nothing and be vague but she found herself quailing under his temper. "Thing about what I looked like in my shift - what they would do to me if they had had to marry me like you did. Nothing to damage my reputation further," she added suddenly. "Just under their breath if they see me on the street - or a little louder at public assemblies and there is no one else to hear it. It's not important."

"Do not play me for a fool Elizabeth," he said. "You know very well who they were. You can name near every officer assigned to the Dauntless and probably more of the sailors than the officers. And you will tell me."

"Why," she said horrified to find her voice shaking a little. "Everyone is thinking it - who cares if they are saying it about me."

.

But James was having none of it and he made her sit at his desk and write him a full list of men who have spoken to her in such fashion, cutting her off every time she protested. She had considered editing the list - there were men whose families had influence. But in the end she was too disconcerted by James to try and persuade him to preservation. And then he had pointed to each name and demanded to know what they said. She did not get more than halfway through the list before she was so humiliated by the whole thing she did cry. James had done his best to comfort her but she had pushed him away - this was his fault. It had been easy to pretend she didn't care when no one but her had known about it. But she knew that was unfair. He had let her go and she had gone to bed, dreading the next day and what James would do next. It was not as if he could restore her reputation by sheer force of will.


	3. An exploration of consequences

Elizabeth had thought things uncomfortable before but now she could not so much look at James without thinking of that night in the study where she had had to list the things that had been said about her. Every snide remark and obscene comment and vague threat. She remained humiliated by it. Telling him had seemed nearly as bad as the insults. It was much harder to ignore them when he knew about it and she was sure he was thinking of it every time he saw her. She did not have to face him often though. James had avoided her since their uncomfortable conversation and his demand for a list. She could not bring herself to care. He was being unreasonable to blame her for not telling him about the insults. Why should she think he would care?

.

Nor did she go out - it was easy enough to cancel on her father even if it was rude. At least that way there could be no more insults - that presumably James would insist she tell him about if they did occur. It was because of that and the fact that the servants in her new home do not know her well enough to be clumsy about gossiping in front of her, that she did not hear about the duels until the morning after the third dawn meeting.

.

She would not have heard about that one either, she knew, if James had not shot a man. The servants had been aflutter for days and then her father had had to intervene on James' behalf because of it. The lieutenant he had challenged had been the first to choose pistols. The first two men James had duelled had chosen swords, apparently, James' temper had been so obvious that they had realised the duel was not just a matter of honour, that turning it up to answer would not be _enough_. Elizabeth was not sure James would ever delope - firing away was considered cowardly and dishonourable. So knowing if they chose pistols they would get shot in some fashion, they had chosen swords - James was an expert swordsman but all the officers were trained. They had no doubt thought they had a fair chance.

But once she had learned about the duels her new maid - a fussy woman who was forever scolding and pulling Elizabeths's hair when styling it - had told her James had disarmed them both in a fair fight with the swords and then instead of finishing it there at first blood he had forgotten honour entirely and beaten them both half to a pulp with his bare fists. (The maid told this tale with a definite edge of blame in it. As if Elizabeth was fully responsible for anything James had done that was not entirely honourable.) This explained the dark bruise on his face that overlaid his cheekbone.

But it had turned out their instinct - to chose a sword fight and take a beating had been a good one. When Lieutenant Bryant had chosen pistols -presumably to avoid a similar beating. James had weathered the first shot stoically - it had not even grazed him. Then he had raised his pistol and shot Bryant in the throat. Her father had had it declared a misadventure, not a murder - after all everyone knew wind could affect a shot. Elizabeth knew just as well that James had learned to shoot at sea as a midshipman of twelve and was too good a marksman to not account for the wind in his aim.

.

It made her feel odd. That a man had died for her honour. That James had _killed_ for her honour. He had taken men's lives before of course - in battle, pirates and enemy combatants. Not one of his officers. And why would he do it for her when he could have deloped or given Bryant a flesh wound.

Yet she could not summon up too much regret. Bryant had been one of the worst of them. He had made more comments than anyone, once on the street in Elizabeth's earshot, he had told a gaggle of midshipmen than if they married a fallen women they were free to treat her as a doxy. He'd said the Commodore had the right idea marrying someone who had had reason to be grateful. He had looked at her the whole time - he knew she could hear him. The midshipman had only looked confused and Elizabeth had picked up her pace somewhat trying not to hear what else he had to say but one of the boys piping treble had followed her down the street wondering aloud why anyone would want to bugger a girl.

Once she had been out shopping and Bryant had followed her down the street leering until she had taken refuge in a dress shop and spent an hour having a fitting of a dress pattern she didn't really like just to make sure he had gone. Then she had gone home furious with herself for being scared and for letting the man actually frighten her. It was not as if he would attack her in the street - why did she let his words affect her. So she would not mourn - not one bit.

.

Two days after Bryant's funeral, Elizabeth woke to more post than she had ever received in her life. She had never had much correspondence - her father' sisters write to him not her. Her few cousins are decades older than her. And Port Royal society was so small that there was rarely occasion to send a note when a call would do (And Elizabeth got neither notes nor calls currently.) But today she had six envelopes addressed to Mrs. James Norrington in range of hands writing from perfect cursive to barely legible scribbles And one was a rather rough sheet of paper barely folded that was printed in strained letters and signed with an x - she could only assume from a sailor - the officers are at least literate. They are all apologies. Written notes condemning the writer's own behaviour and their words and begging Mrs Norrington's pardon.

Elizabeth did not think much of an apology that was only offered to avoid a duel. Or to get out of being shot in the throat. But a formal apology did technically satisfy honour so she took the notes to James.

"I received these," she said proffering the notes. And stood quietly while he read them.

"And do you?" he asked when he had taken them in. "Grant them it?" She did not understand at first but then it dawned on her. They had begged her pardon.

"Yes," she said. "Of course. James, you cannot duel them all - you will have no men left." That was not true - there were hundreds of men assigned to the Dauntless. There are not more than a dozen who have actively insulted her though plenty of others just stare at her as if she was still only wearing a wet shift even in her fanciest gowns. "I will be glad if they just stop - I don't care about before." She did care but if she could change the past they would not be here.

James briefly reached for and squeezed her hand. "If it does not stop," he said. "I expect to be informed. At once."

She nodded and hoped she did not look as pathetic as she felt right then. "Of course," she said. Then she took a deep breath. "Thank you, James." He was defending his own honour by defending her, she knew but she appreciated it all the same.

"You do not have to thank me," he said. His attention was on the papers in front of him now. He took a pen and crossed through six names - several more are already crossed off - the dead men and some more of the sailors. She supposed he couldn't duel a common sailor and wondered just what he had done instead to have them crossed. "You can go, Elizabeth," he said without even looking up again.

She took the dismissal and left him in peace to plot.

.

Two days later James went to yet another dawn appointment with one of the older officers. Lt. Groves had gone too to act as his second, and his opponent does not show up to the fury and embarrassment of his second. For a full week, the cowardice was all that was talked of in Port Royal - according to Estrella anyway when Elizabeth eventually did go to her father's house for tea. She spent more time with Estrella than her father who was first too busy for her and then seemed to think she had put James up to this duelling business - she had barely sat to tea before he was scolding her.

"I say Elizabeth, I did think the Commodore would have more sense than to indulge you in such a fashion. Four duels in a fortnight! I am sure you find it all very exciting but you are not going to do anything for James' career if he ends up with a shortage of officers?" Her father was not even looking at her properly as he told her off about something she had not even done.

"What?" Elizabeth had said blankly until it sunk in what he meant.

Her father then tried to placate her. "I know that you are angry about ah the _circumstances_ that led to your engagement. I am sorry for it myself but it all turned out for the best and you can hardly blame the men for having eyes, Elizabeth. You must stop goading James into duelling men because they _looked_ at you. There will be only so much I can do to protect James if there are more deaths. And you should think of the risk to him as well - no-one will aim to miss their shot now."

Elizabeth cannot believe the cheek of him. As if any of this was her fault. As if the duels were her idea. As if she would ask James to do that for her when she was already so indebted and he had gone off the only thing she had managed to offer him because apparently, she _liked_ it too much. "Yes, I am sure it would be quite inconvenient for you if you had to find me another husband," Elizabeth said sharply. She could not believe what her father was saying. Why was everything _her_ fault? "But if you think I am capable of persuading James to anything, you should think again." She stood forcing her father to rise too. "I am not to blame for everything," she told him. "And those men _have_ done more than look." She fled her father's home without saying goodbye or begging his leave and did not even call for the carriage. She ran all the way home, even though her shoes had stupid heels and pinched her toes and didn't slow even when people stared. She did not care who saw her. What did it matter what else they said about her?

.

She kicked her shoes off in the hall - they are ruined anyway, one heel coming away and blood ruining the pattern on the left one where it had ripped her silk stocking and rubbed her foot raw. And then she stood there for a long moment and cursed herself for being foolhardy. Now her father would be angry and worried and there would be more gossip. Who knew what James would make of it. Or the rest of town. She went upstairs to her room - shouted at her maid to go away and flopped herself down to sulk. Which was better than crying at least.

But she is then startled when there is a knock at the door - she had not even closed it because she had been too tempted to slam it and then James' voice. "Elizabeth? May I come in?" She did not know why he was asking. It's his house. But then he stood in the doorway not moving and she recalled she had forbidden him her room.

"Of course," she said as she sat up. She pulled off one ruined silk stocking and then the other throwing them on the floor. She wriggled her toes and winced and he came over and sat by her on the bed an slipped an arm around her tugging her close.

"That looks painful," he said examining her foot. "Did someone threaten you - is that why you had to run through town."

She cannot believe someone had already told him but he sounds so anxious she could only reassure him. "No," she said. "No-one spoke to me - that's why I ran through town. So no-one _could_ speak to me." She shrugged. "Though my father has asked that I stop persuading you to duel men on my behalf. So if I am performing some sort of inadvertent persuasion please know it is unintentional."

James looked a little guilty. "I will talk to him," he said. "I am not sorry I did it, but I know I have made things awkward for him."

He rubbed at her back for a moment. "Elizabeth what do you want?" He looked deeply uncomfortable. "I know this marriage was not something you wanted - nor is anything else I can offer. But if there is something you do want -you have only to say."

"No," she said, "you've been very generous. I have everything I need.

"Yes - I can see how well my gesture was taken," he said looking around the unchanged room. "I love what you've done with the place." It was rather spartan, Elizabeth admitted. The only thing that made it looked lived in was her clutter - not the decor.

She flushed and shrugged his arm off and went to the dresser - he had only given her some of the money as cash - furniture she had been told to buy on account. "Here," she said moodily and flung the envelope back at him. "I do not want to redecorate."

"Yes - I see that," he said. "But what _do you_ want?"

Elizabeth looked away - what could she ask for that won't seem improper. Or wanton given what he said about her only wanting him for pleasure. And then it occurs to her what she can ask. Something that should make no odds to him but a big difference to her.

"I want you to convince my father to let me hire Estrella away from him," she said. "He wouldn't when I married, he said I should have a properly trained ladies maid and Estrella was just a housemaid until I came out and chose her to do my hair."

"Yes," James said. "I have heard about Estrella's poor performance as a chaperone before." Elizabeth is about to argue - she was married now, she did not need a chaperone but then she realised James was not saying no. "I will talk to your father," he said. "Though why you think he should listen to me instead of you."

"He does listen to you," Elizabeth argued. "Besides you can say you won't stop duelling until he gives you your way."

James laughed at that and it made her smile, he was not an easy man to make laugh. "I am not that is a tactic that will work for anyone else than you. And I am sure that is not the right way to convince your father that you are not a bad influence on me." He picked up the envelope of money and handed it to her. "I will tell him I need you to have your own choice of maid to have any peace but please do something with the room. You do not have to redo everything but surely you want some personal touches."

"Perhaps," she said, "Alright then." If he was going to fuss about it. "I would like it if the duelling was done," she said. "I do not want you to be hurt - not on my behalf." She reaches up to touch his cheek just below the bruise.

"That is nothing," he said, pressing a kiss to her hair. Even though she knew now he didn't want her, she could not help but turn into his arms and lean in to kiss him properly. He held her close and she realised he must have only just gotten home - he still had his wig on. When her fingers brush the stiff horse hair, he blushed. "I'm sorry," he said and she batted his hand away unpinning it herself

"Don't be silly," she said. "I know you normally take it off. I do appreciate you being so informal with me."

"Of course I do," he said. "It is the only thing you have ever asked of me." He sounded so wistful that she felt a pang of guilt and she couldn't help but tease - she wanted to make him smile again.

"Well that just isn't true now is it James?" she said. "I have been plaguing you for things since we arrived in Port Royal. And even if you only count since we were married - there have been other occasions I've been very demanding." She had spent half their nights together pleading and demanding more.

She is beyond relieved when he smiled at that - she was not sure if it was a bad idea to mention intimacy considering what he thought of her in that regard. But they had made a connection that way - she was sure of it and he had said she was wrong about him only wanting her to warm his bed.

"Elizabeth, I am sorry for what I said," he said. "There was no call for language like that. I did not mean to berate you for having desires. It was just hard when that was _all_ you seemed to want.

"No," she said. "I mean I did want - but that wasn't all but I wasn't sure what you wanted. Or if you had only married me from obligation and well the advice I was given about marriage meant - it seemed safe to want that." Saying it aloud made her feel cowardly. James did not seem to understand. "I did not know if you would ever want me. Or if you would ever love me," she said. "Or even like me - just a little. But it seemed fairly certain you would want to _fuck_ me." She stumbles a little over the word when he was looking at her so closely but she was not going to be shy now -what would be the point.

"And now," he said his tone intense. "What do you think now?"

"Oh," she said. "Now I am all confused. Now you seem to like me but do not want to fuck me." The word gets easier with repetition. "I was not given any advice about dealing with that."

James groans a little against her neck. "And what do you want?"

"I want you to like me," she said. "I want you to want me." She hopes perhaps he could feel more than that for her but she couldn't quite bring herself to say it. "And I definitely want you to fu-" She did not get to finish that sentence before he had pulled her close for a kiss.

"Wicked girl," he told her his voice low with want. "I am due back at the fort - I only came when I heard of your dash through town. I thought something bad had happened. But tonight. . . "

"Wicked man," she tossed back in delight - she loved that had come as far as to tease her. "Making me wait hours and hours." He does not get back to the fort for some time even if they never move beyond kissing. Elizabeth does not push her luck - James was probably not entirely convinced she was not a complete wanton but she had made a start.

* * *

 _Notes:_

 _Historical note - Deloping was the act of deliberately firing away in a duel - while it was done to avoid injury - so_ that good marksmen _did not kill their duelling opponents when the duel was more to make a point - it was also forbidden by duelling codes and also could be construed as indicating your opponent was not worth shooting._

 _Royal Governors could grant pardons but not for capital cases so Governor Swann couldn't have pardoned James if he had actually been tried and convicted of murder but he certainly would have had enough political clout to stop it getting that far._


	4. Progression and truths

Elizabeth had managed to make her afternoon productive once James had left for the fort. She had gone to the garden and decimated the rose bushes and made a half-hearted attempt to arrange the flowers in a vase. She sets them on her dresser and sends one of the housemaids into town to buy fabric - her foot still hurts and besides she doesn't want James summoned from the fort _again,_ just because she is out and about. The poor girl seems half terrified - she can't buy dress fabric, it isn't her job. "It isn't for a dress," Elizabeth told her exasperated. "Anything silk in blue or green will do. And some gold ribbon." It was only after the girl was gone that Elizabeth realised she should have told her which shop to go to. It was obvious when she returned with armfuls of diaphanous material which shop she had been to. Still, Elizabeth did like the thin silk – it would be rather dramatic.

There was a green rug in James' study and Elizabeth had a rather doubtful footman roll it up and deposit it in her room and had him take away the cream rug that the room had come with. She had already spilt coffee on it – cream was a ridiculous colour for a rug anyway.

By the time she has wound the bedposts in blue silk, added green silk as very rough hanging bed curtain and tied it all with imaginatively braided and knotted gold ribbon, she felt at least no-one could say she hadn't tried. She haphazardly arranged the flowers and even set out a few ornaments she had packed up when she left home and not bothered with until now. She went to the library and picked out a few of the novels she knew he had selected for her and put two on her bedside table and kept one to read. That would have to do - no-one could say the room did not look lived in now.

.

James was late in that night which concerned her given their conversation before he left - surely he should have been eager to come home! But when he came in he could at least tell her he had spoken to her father. Elizabeth was touched and yet frustrated he had done that _tonight._ But he confirmed she would have her choice of maid again and if dinner was not due to be served, Elizabeth would have gladly have resumed their previous conversation right then.

But she may be getting ahead of herself, James was quiet at dinner for all her attempts to draw him into a conversation and so she thinks she may have done something else wrong. Or her father complained of her - she had been very rude to him really. Or perhaps there was worse gossip in town because of her mad dash. Or something else has gone wrong because Elizabeth has her own opinions. Perhaps making her wants clear earlier had been a mistake as now everything was an expectation. But after dinner, James pulled her into his arms and he clearly wanted her - which is a relief. "Earlier I believe there was something you wanted," he said as he nuzzled her neck. "Is that still the case."

Elizabeth could tease but she decided to behave. For once. "Yes," she said. "Very much. Perhaps you would like to come to me tonight - we could pick up where we left off." He had, at last, admitted he wanted her but it would be nice to have him come to her as she had spent their whole marriage chasing him.

.

She wears the shift she wore on their wedding night. She knew he liked that one at least and she hoped he would at least be amused that she had done something with her room. But when he comes through - in only a nightshirt so she will not have to persuade him to undress even - it did not even make him smile as he examined each change. "Very nice," he said eventually. But even when he kissed her she could tell he was holding back. She had done something wrong. Again.

"Well it is just a start," she said, leading him to the bed. He sat beside her stiffly. "I didn't have long." This doesn't help at all. She decides to be bold "I wanted to ask you something?"

"Of course," he said suddenly eager. "If there is something you want - you have only to say." He'd made that quite clear and she blushed a little for what her question is.

"It's just - when you said I was pretty," she said. She cannot quite phrase it like he did. Perhaps if this had not turned awkward she might be able to ask him his opinion of her quim but he barely wanted to kiss her which did not bode well for the rest of the evening. "Did you mean that?" It had seemed such an odd thing to comment on.

"Of course," he said. "You are beautiful - Elizabeth. Surely you know I think that." Elizabeth does not think it is so clear-cut. She knew she was pretty - she was not stupid. But James has never really said so not since he proposed and he had said _lovely_ then. Which he would say to any girl at a party - he had done so in fact in the past. She had heard him. He was always so polite. But that is not the point.

"No," she said. "When you said I was pretty _down there_." In lieu of saying the word, she guides his hand to her upper thigh and is rewarded for this bit of boldness when his hand immediately creeps higher.

This prompts a response at least a slight smile and she blushed and felt foolish she had not said the word. He leant into to kiss her pushing her into the pillows as he lifted her shift. "If I recall," he said firmly, "I think I said you had the _prettiest_ quim." He began to kiss down her body and she arched in anticipation. He pressed a kiss to her thigh. "Though I believe my opinion was doubted at the time." He slid a finger into her and his thumb pressed where she was most sensitive. "But you are beautiful here," he carried on parting her folds and sealing his mouth over her until she arched with a cry and then he pulls away. "Like a flower," he said which she doubts wrinkling her nose at him as she watches him tease her. "One that opens to attention," he added as his tongue descends again, "with pretty soft petals." He punctuated each word with a kiss. Then with his mouth on her, he penetrated her with his fingers even as he focussed the action of his tongue - and the combination is heady even if she does not like being compared to a flower and she cannot help but squirm and plead.

" _James_ ," she said, "Please - I want - I need." He pulls back again. And there is an intense look in his green eyes as he gazes up her body.

His kisses become more gentle and dance around what she wants. "What do you want?" he asked. "What do you _need_?" His voice is a deep rumble she has not heard often and she realised what it was he wanted.

"Your mouth," she said closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "On my quim." There was a thrill of arousal in being so forward but nothing like the thrill of him listening to her and working her over with his mouth and touch until she shuddered as the pleasure overwhelmed her. He kissed his way back up her body and she reached for him eager to return the favour. She kissed his neck as she worked her hand over his hard manhood. "What do you want James?" she asked. She had never asked him that before. She has never really suggested anything in bed before - all she had had to do was turn up and persist until James gave in and then he had generally driven her quite wild. "Would you like me to - to use my mouth?" she said a little hesitant - not because of the act. Part of her quite wanted to try that. She knew fine well men liked that. She had half a dozen men say so to her, most of whom expected that James was requiring this of her on a regular basis. But this was different -it was very improper for her to suggest it even if all she wanted was to do something for him. She had no idea how he would respond to such an offer.

.

James closed his eyes for a long moment and left her to wonder if her offer had offended or tempted him. She wondered if it would be worse if she told him she wanted to. If it would make her truly a doxy in his eyes - more than wanting only physical pleasure. "You do not need to. ." he started and then she knew. He did want it. He was not offended. He was _tempted._

"Of course I do not need to," she said exasperatedly. "I don't do anything because I need to. That is why I am such a disgrace. How could I ever think you want anything out of obligation. I have had men telling me for months that if I was their wife I would spend my nights on my knees. Or _worse._ But you barely want to have me the proper way - let alone have my mouth or my arse or whatever else a man could want from a ruined woman." That was more than she meant to say and she flushed pink at what she had suggested. She slipped herself into his lap. "But this is not duty. Or gratitude or any of that other nonsense. Surely you must know that. I want to please you. Because you please me. Because you are a good husband and I want to be a good wife."

"Quid pro quo?" James said drawing her close. He pressed a kiss to her hair. "Do you know why I want to please you, Elizabeth - why I am completely unable to resist you even though I know I should." Elizabeth blinked at him and shook her head. She had no idea why James had done anything he had from marrying her, to listening to her, to duelling on her behalf other than it was because he was a proper gentleman who must keep his word and having married her had to defend her honour. "Because I love you," he said. "I have loved you for years." He rolled them over and slid inside her while he hid his face in her neck and she lay there stunned not even the feel of him in her can distract her even though it was overwhelming as always - he loved her? Even now after her behaviour and her disgrace? And he had loved her for years - she had thought he wanted a smart match. "I love you," he said again as if reading her confusion. "And I like you," he added a clear repeat of what she had said earlier. "And I want you." Elizabeth feels her cheeks colour and wonders if he will finish that set. He watched her knowingly and leant in to say it in her ear. "And I do want to _fuck_ you," she arches a little under him at the way those words make her feel. It is easier to deal with than the idea he loved her. "So you do not have worry about to trying to please me, Elizabeth. Or offer me things you don't want to do. Or decorate because I pestered you about it." He nuzzles her neck. "If you are at all happy that is enough." It was very hard but at this revelation of why he had started acting strange she pushed at him and squirmed away from him and he stops at once his face caught between guilt - that he had done something she had felt the need to stop and what she thinks is frustration - because he had been mid-thrust.

.

She pushed him down into the pillow "You impossible man," she said. "Stop that. Stop assuming I do not want things. I like you. I care for you. I want to have you." She cannot say she loved him. Not yet though she might. Perhaps. He confused her. But right now he has only angered her. "I wanted to decorate - you called my room boring! I want to make you happy too." And she is so angry that she decides she will be improper. "And if I did not want to have your cock in my mouth I would not have offered." He groaned at that and she blushed, kissing down his body to find his manhood with her mouth. She stared at first - she had never seen him so close. Then she pressed a kiss to the tip of him, feeling her cheeks heat at what she was about to do and then lapped at him with her tongue which made him groan. She could taste herself which was odd but wicked and she felt a flood of arousal at being so improper even though he had only just made her spend. But she only teased him in this fashion for a brief moment - she knows what is really involved and when she wraps her mouth around him and _sucked,_ he arched under her and swore and she pulled back alarmed. "Did I do it wrong?" she said.

It had not seemed that complicated - how many ways can there be to suck? But it takes James a moment to pull himself together to say. "No. No - that wasn't wrong."

It was all he said. Gruffly. As if he did not quite trust his own voice and it dawned on her that that had not been a bad response and she does it again. And then suckled at him and then pulls back a little to lick at him - the way he does to her when his mouth is on her intimately and it drove her crazy. And then she sucked again and he tangled a hand in her hair and moaned her name so she sucked harder and then he hissed her name and she belatedly realised why as he twitches in her mouth and then - oh! Elizabeth swallowed and coughed and pulled back wiping her mouth. She wished she had thought that through because now James only looks horrified. 'I'm sorry," she said. "Did I spoil it? I thought it would take longer."

James blushed. "Well that is me doubly damned," he said sounding mortified as he pulled her against him and she smiled into his chest. She probably could have phrased that better.

"Not like that," she said. James _always_ waited for her - he was very considerate. She has no complaints, it hardly mattered if he was quick when she was doing that. "I only meant I was new at that. I thought I might not be good at it."

He pulled her into his arms. "Well you thought wrong," he said. "You are extremely good at everything you do."

Elizabeth blushed pleased at that. "I'm glad," she said and she cannot help but try for a reaction. "But I still think I might need more practice." James closed his eyes and she laughed and leaned in to kiss him. "Surely you do not object to the idea?"

"I think I object to anything that will give you, even more, sway over me," he said and she felt her heart skip a beat at this pointed reminder of his confession even as his words gave her pause.

"Am I so untrustworthy?" she asked suddenly. She had settled herself into his arms and had hoped that based on his loving her - perhaps she might be able to enjoy this bit. (After all, she had nowhere to retreat to now they were in her bed and not his.)

"No of course not," he said after a long moment. Which meant yes, she knew which _hurt_ and she considers throwing him out of her room but he suddenly tilted her face to his and kissed her. "But surely you can see how I am at a disadvantage with you," he said. "I have no idea how to make you happy Elizabeth. Even when I ask what you want the best you can come with is a request to have your own choice of maid. I would have given you that immediately if I knew your father denied you."

Elizabeth feels ashamed. She had not taken his request entirely seriously perhaps. She deliberately only wanted to ask for proper things - but that was because she was trying to be good and surely that should not be held against her. "I asked you to stop duelling as well," she said. "And the other things I want are things you can't give me James."

"Perhaps," he said. "But I would still like to know."

.

Elizabeth nuzzled his neck. She supposed she owed him that much honesty. "I want to travel," she said. "I want to have adventures." She paused, "but I want to stop worrying you. And my father. I don't mean to."

"I know," he said to her surprise. "And none of the current fuss is your fault, Elizabeth. I regret - I should have never have taken you to the battlements to propose - it was my mistake. If you had drowned. . ." There is a hitch in his voice, that she finds she cannot bear.

"But I didn't," she reminded him. "And I got to meet a pirate." Even if he had threatened her that had still been exciting. "And I took a dip - it is completely unfair that it is considered unladylike to swim." She probably would not have even needed saving if she had still been allowed to swim as she had as a child. Assuming she could have gotten out of her gown.

"Can I add swimming to the list of wants?" he said - he is smiling now. "I must have dragged you off the beach half a dozen time when you were a child. "

"Oh don't tease," she said wistfully - she spends every summer in Port Royal wishing she was young enough that running off to the beach and ruining a dress or a shift would only earn her a scolding and not public humiliation. "Even if you could arrange it - what would that do to my reputation if I was caught soaking wet in public. Again."

"Have some faith," he said. "I promise that before my next tour I will take you swimming. With no further damage to your reputation."

Elizabeth was intrigued by this promise and she rolled on top of him. "Well then," she said. 'You are definitely not helping convince me I should not want to be able to sway you." She nipped at his neck and he held her in place.

'Or perhaps you could trust that if it is in my power to give you something I will," he said. He was so serious and she feels a flush of guilt.

"Alright," she said and pretended exasperation. "But at this rate, you are going to force me to admit I want to use my mouth on you because I liked it." He groaned a little and she laughed delighted. "Is that what I have to say?" she said. She liked so much that she could excite him.

"Only if it is true," he said quietly. So she decides to shock him.

"Very true," she said. "Is that so unbelievable? You like doing it to me. Why would you think it isn't true."

"Mainly because it makes me worry about what you are going to suggest next," he said with an edge to his voice and she blushed. She has been propositioned enough to know what he is talking about. It does not appeal like the idea of returning the favour he has done several times. But she refuses to be intimidated.

"I was not going to suggest _that_ ," she said in her most innocent tone. "After all - I have to leave something for you to aim for."

"Elizabeth!" His outrage makes her smile against his skin.

"Hush," she said. "I am the scandalous one in this marriage. You will just have to accept that."

He pulled her into a deep kiss. "Perhaps," he said. "I think I could learn to like being scandalised."


	5. Taking the waters

Elizabeth objected on the Saturday morning when James woke her at the crack of dawn. There was no call for such behaviour in her eyes when he had kept her up so much of the night before. Though perhaps she had instigated that. Just a little.

But James would not leave her be and she got out of bed sulkily only to be slightly intrigued when he told her not to wear a corset and to dress simply. "Are we going somewhere?" she asked her curiosity peaked.

"Not if you don't get yourself to breakfast soon." He said cryptically leaving her both annoyed and dying to know. He insisted she eat a proper breakfast too – not just her usual coffee and pastries. She picked at some fruit until James innocently mentioned she would not want to miss the tide and then she managed a plate of egg and bacon so quickly she almost felt ill.

.

They take a carriage to the harbour and James had arranged the hire of a small cutter for the day. Elizabeth feels almost giddy with glee. He helped her into the boat and only then noticed that he had packed them a picnic basket and other essentials. "James thank you," she said suddenly. "This is a wonderful surprise. I am sorry I made such a fuss. I never would if I had known we were going sailing."

James kissed her cheek and tried to persuade her to settle. "I am afraid sailing is more the means," he said. "Than the end." Elizabeth tried not to feel deflated by that but of course, as always he saw and she felt guilty but he only smiled and told her, "I promise if you do not like our destination the cutter is ours for the day. And if you do like our destination – I will hire it again next week so you can have proper sailing lessons."

Elizabeth beamed at him and though she cannot think of anything she would rather do than sail she supposed she might let him have his way because he was being so sweet. And she would get lessons in a week.

.

They do not sail far – their destination was a cove that was not so far from the harbour – there are many of them Elizabeth knew that are apparently beautiful but they are not accessible by land as they sit at the bottom of the limestone cliffs. So no-one could get there except by boat. Then she realised why such was their destination. "You're taking me swimming," she said as he steered the boat onto the white sand.

James grinned at her and leapt out into the shallow water before he scooped her out of the boat and carried her safely to the soft white sand. "Only if you wouldn't rather sail." He returned to the boat to drag it up on the sand while Elizabeth watched touched. He had done exactly what he had promised. She sat down on the sand and while her surprise was wonderful – beyond wonderful she cannot help but doubt her ability to be the sort of wife he deserved. He loved her and he was spoiling her and all she had done was complain about the hour he made her get up. She sat down on the sand and swallowed hard – James came over concerned so she hides her doubts at once. "I don't have anything to swim in," she said. The swim dresses she owned as a child had been left behind a long time ago. Ridiculous things with weights sewn in the hem for modesty. Elizabeth had always ended up with bruised thighs. Though she had been a bruise prone child anyway.

"Oh dear," he said. "Neither do I," he was laughing now - teasing her! They both knew it was not the same for men - they swam nude. Elizabeth had had a merry time as a teenager spying on the midshipman who were forced to learn. Then she took his meaning. They were entirely alone - there was no reason she could not swim nude. It was silly to be shy at the thought. James had seen - well everything she had to show him but she had never been naked before him. He had lifted her skirts and unfastened her nightgowns but she had never had to surrender them entirely. She blushed at the though and James laugh died in his throat and he reached into the boat. "I have a spare shirt," he said. "I'm sorry - you could wear it or your shift and use the shirt as a shift if it's not suitable. I did not mean."

Oh well, now he thought her pathetic. She was not having that and she tilted her chin up at him. "I'm not wearing your scruffy old shirt," she told him - she knew fine well that there was not a single item of clothing James owned that deserved either descriptor. "You can start by showing me just what you plan to swim in," she said haughtily "Then I will decide what I am doing."

.

James stripped down to his breaches obligingly and then hesitated, he clearly was not sure if she was truly offended and Elizabeth decided to help parking herself on the sand and making it very clear she was enjoying the show. She had never seen him without his shirt before (though she had a closer look at other parts of him,) and she liked it she realised - he was scarred but well made and she wanted to touch him He blushed under her frank appreciation but clearly was determined not to be put off by her. He pulled off his breaches while she watched biting her lip and laughed at him as he folded them and put them in the boat. "You are so tidy!" She accused and he tugged up off the sand to kiss her.

"As will you be," he said pretending to be stern - he was smiling too much for her to take it entirely seriously. "I am not listening to you complain of sand in your skirts all the way home." His hands went to the lace of her skirt and he kissed her neck. "Have you decided what you are going to swim in yet?"

She nuzzled his cheek. "I think on this occasion I may follow your example," James stripped her of her dress quite efficiently but paused not taking her shift from her. He clearly wanted her to have that choice but she had made up her mind so she made him wait just a moment and leaned up to kiss him. "You would be terrible as a ladies maid," she said. "Aren't you going to finish the job?"

.

James did not have to be told twice and when she was nude before him she was gratified that he stared just as much as she had. And that was not the only reaction he was having and so she let her hands wander, grasping at his hard manhood. "I think perhaps," she said, "we might have to deal with this before we can swim or I shall be sent quite distracted." He bore her down to the sand eagerly and she could only hope he was right about how private this beach was.

* * *

Afterwards, she was warm and satiated and happy and James had propped himself up beside her, he cannot stop touching her one hand skimming over her hip, or her leg or coming up to cup her breast. "I am sorry," he said. "We can do this anytime - I promised to take you swimming. Not bed you on the beach."

Elizabeth pushed him down in the sand. "Yes," she said. "You can see how unhappy I am about this turn of events." Her smirk makes the lie obvious. "Anyway," she said. "We can not do this anytime. If my reputation could not survive swimming what do you think being tupped on the beach at home would do to it." He laughed and tugged her close. Moving was a mistake. She wrinkled her nose. "Though I think we should swim now or it will not be sand in my skirts I am complaining about all the way home."

"Well you can't swim lying there," he told her, not moving himself. She felt a little flushed again just from the way he looked at her.

"Can't I," she said laughing. "Surely you could bring the ocean to me - you are after all the expert on it." The tide was lapping at their feet now and the water was warm and perfect for swimming.

James laughed got to his feet and then when she took the hand he offered up, he did not go of her and instead tossed her over his shoulder. "Well," he said. "Let me see what I can do."

.

She shrieked in protest as James ran to the water and he was chest deep in the turquoise water before he released her and dunked her throughly. She came up spluttering and for a minute considered pretending distress but James was far too pleased with himself and she enjoyed seeing him smile so she merely splashed him.

"That was most un-gentlemanly," she said with a pout. And he kissed her.

"Even gentlemen have limits, Elizabeth." He told her "And if we had laid there much longer you would not have got to swim at all because I would have had to have you again." This warmed her right through and she kissed him sweetly. But then slipped out of his grip to strike out deeper - she did want to swim and it had been a long time since she had the chance. For a long time, James only watched her. The water was blue and clear as a bell so he can see nearly every part of her and she teased him on occasion by floating on her back so he could see her entirely.

.

"I am beginning to wonder if you are one of those navy men who can't swim." she told him after a while, which of course had him strike out after her and catch her easily. She cannot touch the sand where she was and the instant he was as deep she reached out to his back and pushed him under. She cannot hold him of course but she did not even try - she only wanted to dunk him in revenge and she did her best to keep out of his reach. She failed of course - he was a much stronger swimmer but he did not duck her again in revenge only pulled her close and kissed her as they tread water.

"I suppose I deserved that," he said ruefully. His hair was curling slightly as it comes out of his queue (her own hairdo was ruined long before they got in the water.) Elizabeth was struck again by how handsome he was whenever he was even slightly ruffled.

"Very much," she said. She curled into his arms in the water and leaned up to kiss him. "Now we are even."

"Well not quite," he said as he nuzzled her neck. "But I suppose next time you can throw me in the water and I will half drown you."

Elizabeth laughed and pressed her cheek to his shoulder. "What a tall tale," she said. "I barely touched you."

.

But before long he persuaded her out of the water to eat a picnic lunch on the beach. He put his breaches back on and begged her to wear his shirt while they eat informing her with an entirely straight face it was the only way she would get to eat in peace. Elizabeth rucks the shirt up so it barely covered her thighs and barely fastened it so it constantly slipped down her shoulder and bared the slope of her breast. James did not take the bait though she revelled in the way he looked at her and the desire in his eyes.

They spent the afternoon splashing about and when it got cooler they partly dress and wander the beach - Elizabeth was in her shift now - there was only so much teasing she could do and while she was glad to have experienced it there were definite downsides to lovemaking on the beach. But James had an arm casually around her waist and she rested her head on his shoulder. It had been the most marvellous day and she did not want spoil the day but her question just slipped out. "Why was it never like this before?" she said half unthinking in her unhappiness. He glanced at her - they are both barely dressed on a deserted beach so she clarified. "When we were courting."

.

When he was courting her really. "You never smiled at me then. You never teased me." She had had no idea he loved her. And now she saw it in everything he did and felt foolish for not knowing it - but it had not always been so apparent. He took a deep breath and looked unhappy and she regretted her question. "I do not mean to scold," she said. "I just wondered."

He took a deep breath before he answered. "Have you ever wanted something so badly you were sure you would never have it?" he asked. Elizabeth bites back a yes – a thousand times over but that would not help. "I was quite convinced your father would turn away my suit - that he would want a more expedient political match or someone wealthier or someone with a title for you - how could he not. When he indicated I could court you - I was not relieved - I only felt even more like I had to follow the rules - like it was a test I could fail at any moment. I didn't dare put a foot wrong. And it was only after the rumour of the promotion to Commodore that he allowed I could court you - and then only with the condition I only propose if I was promoted."

"You didn't wait long," she said stunned by this news her father had been so obstructive. "I had no idea. He always seemed so keen on the idea of us marrying when he talked to me."

"Another point against me no doubt," James said dryly and she blushed and then slapped his arm.

"I was not that difficult," she said stubbornly. But he only gave her a knowing look.

"I didn't wait long because - well I was not unaware I was not impressing you and I thought once we were engaged - I could be more sincere in my courtship and convince you of my feelings." It was true that some affection was allowed in polite society once a match was agreed and Elizabeth wondered how that would have felt if they had a more traditional engagement. She would have liked that. Instead she had been so resentful that he didn't even dare show her affection once they were wed. She wondered if it would be inappropriate to tell him she was very impressed now. But it was not what he wanted to hear no doubt.

.

"Well," she said. "I think you would have been very convincing," she offered him a kiss and that seemed to be enough for him. For now. Just before they are due to set off for home Elizabeth found an iridescent shell and scooped it up. James was watching her and she felt a little silly collecting shells like a child so she explained. "I have a shell inlay keep sake box," she told him suddenly deciding to share. "It was my mothers. She had it made after her and my father's wedding trip with shells they collected. If we come back here I might get enough shells that I thought I could have a matching one made. As a memento."

"That sounds lovely," he said touching her face. "Of course we can come back. Or I could take you on a wedding trip somewhere else with beaches?"

He still sounded so hesitant - as if she would refuse a wedding trip. Well she can see he thought she might when they were newly wed but surely not now. "Or we could do both?" she said. "I would like both very much."

He smiled and set her in the boat before he pushed it out to sea. It was only once they were out at sea and he had given her a brief lesson in steering the cutter that he asked her. "Is there a particular destination that you would like? That you would like to see?"

Elizabeth thought about it - but not for long. "As long as I am with you I am happy to go wherever you might like to take me." And every word of that was true.

.

Notes: I am taking total liberties with Jamaican geography here. I am sure no-one minds - the version of Jamaica where Port Royal has not been destroyed by an earthquake 100 year prior to the films might very well have a secluded cove only reachable by boat :)


	6. Vile and Dissolute Creatures

James had taken her to Nevis in the end – having promised her beaches he had had to stick to the Caribbean and Nevis was close enough that they would be able to have a decent length trip when James would not be granted a lengthy leave. The voyage there had been one of the best weeks of Elizabeth life - she had been so excited to be at sea again even in a cramped cabin on a merchant ship. James had stoically endured being aboard a ship he was not in command of and spent the week biting his tongue at every thing the crew were doing wrong in his eyes.

Elizabeth had tried to make the nights more worth his while and when three days in she realised why some of the crew could not meet her eye, she had decided it was too late now to be more circumspect and had carried on. It was her wedding trip and it was not her fault James was so good in bed that she was always loud. When they got to Nevis had stayed in the grand new hotel there with it's hot springs. Elizabeth had hoped these would be a little like swimming but they were instead like having a bath that smelled of rotten eggs. She had refused to go back after one visit and James had promised her they would go swimming when they were home.

.

They had tried swimming on Nevis of course - a new option offered with the hotel. Elizabeth had hated it. The ridiculous bathing machines, being allowed ten whole minutes in the water - the idea of having to wear a rope. If that had not been enough when she had got in the water, her necklace had done something very strange. It had pulsed and sent out a wave that had knocked Elizabeth over It was the oddest thing she had ever seen.

She had spent most of her ten minutes dipping it back in the water and trying to get it to do it again. But it wouldn't. And she didn't dare tell James - he would think she had gone soft in the head when things were finally going so well. And she could hardly tell him about the medallion - it condemned poor Will Turner as a pirate and herself as a thief. She decided she would return the necklace to Will as soon as they got home. She could go to the forge on the pretence of buying a gift for James and she could tell him she was sorry for taking it all those years ago. Perhaps Will would know why it had behaved so strangely.

.

The day after they were aboard ship headed for home. She teased James all morning about his struggle to say nothing to the lax men and he laughed at her joy at being aboard ship. The more the men muttered about her being ill luck the more James encouraged her. He had always been very severe with superstitious sailors aboard his ship insisting it interfered with discipline.

.

He even let her use his eyeglass and Elizabeth spent half the day playing look out - she was rather hopeful they might see a whale - or a least some dolphins but instead she spotted another ship and after a moment's giddiness - she realised the ship's sails were not in shadow. They were not dirty. They were _black_. There was a bolt of recognition and then panic. "James," she said. "I can see a pirate ship," she could not help but sound doubtful - she knew it was a ridiculous claim and James smiled at her.

"Can you," he teased but only for a moment his eyes searching her face which had paled. He held out his hand for the glass and held it to his face for only a moment before he lowered it his jaw set. He grabbed a passing officer. "Escort my wife to our cabin," he said in a low voice, "and secure her." Then he stalked off shouting a demand to know where the Captain was."

"James," she objected as he stalked off but she went with the officer. She did not dare gainsay James in the circumstance but she was outraged to find when she had been locked in.'Secured' she thought bitterly. She could hear men moving about and the call to quarters - and then to battle stations being sounded and she curled up on the ships bed and told herself she was not frightened.

.

But she was. It was one thing to have seen that ship 8 years ago aboard the _Dauntless._ That was a first rate ship of the line with over 100 guns- and presumably the reason the ship had fled then. The _Oberon_ was only a merchant vessel and despite all she knew about ships and pirates - that was about navy ships and pirate ships. The only thing she remembered about merchant vessels was the single sentence James had said then about the powder magazine. Which had exploded. He had said that merchant vessels ran heavily armed and Mr. Gibbs had opined how much good that had done them.

And certainly James' complaints about the lack of discipline on this ship weighed heavy on her mind now. And when she managed to stop thinking on that - she had a dozen stories about pirates in her head to spell out exactly what might happen. And if she managed to not think on that she could not stop herself wondering about the necklace. It was too much of a coincidence surely - that it was the _exact_ same ship as 8 years ago after the odd way the necklace had reacted to the sea.

.

When the cabin door opened and James came in she near flung herself at him. He looked grim and he sat her down and took her hands in his. Elizabeth was not stupid. "Are they closing?" she said.

"Yes." James said heavily. "And they are fast. The _Oberon_ will not be able to out run them." She appreciated his honesty - she would rather face a hard truth.

"Elizabeth I have told the crew your father will pay them ten guineas each if they conceal your presence when we are boarded." He swallowed hard. "But that may not be enough. And if they discover you are here." James looked like he might throw up and she reached for his hand.

"You do not have to say it," she said. "Have I not always listened to pirate tales I should't have." He did not have to warn her she would be misused. "I know what would happen."

"They would ransom you to your father," he said "If you say you are Miss Swann. But only I think _after,_ " he leaned in and kissed her hair. "I know you are strong Elizabeth, I know you could endure and go home and survive. And I want that - but I cannot choose it for you. I want you to have a choice," he said in a low tone and then he handed her a loaded pistol. "There is a barrel of gunpowder," he said. "In the locker by the bed. A small one for my pistols but enough. If you fire into it at point blank range. That would be very quick. You'd hardly know what happened."

James looked anguished at the thought and she pulled him close. He did not speak of his own fate and she knew they both knew that if he even survived the boarding pirates were not likely to be merciful to an officer. And it would be worse if they knew who he was - the Scourge of Piracy. It was why he had told her to lie about her name and she curled close to him the heavy weight of his pistol behind him. "I am sorry," he said. "That I did not protect you better." She could not bear to see him feel guilty.

"Don't be," she said. "This trip was my idea." It was not his fault that they were being chased by pirates. She could not suspend the niggling thought that it was hers. But James would no doubt blame himself that he had not rid the Caribbean of every last pirate. She tilted her mouth up to his for a kiss and then he was gone and the cabin door was locked again.

.

The sound of pursuit was obvious even from the cabin and the first time the guns were fired - Elizabeth shuddered and pulled out the medallion and glared at it. She did not want to die. Or be ransomed or . . . she pushed away the last thought. And she did not want to lose James not now - not when she had only just realised how much he meant to her. She loved him and it was not fair and the medallion gleamed at her and she dropped it like was hot. Had it done that? or had that just been the tears in her eyes.

Elizabeth decided she was not going to be taunted by a medallion on the worst day of her entire life - and she added mentally - it was pointless keeping it when the pirates would only take it from her along with her dignity and honour. She was not going to shoot the barrel - she couldn't - not when . . she pushed that thought away and she went to the small window of the cabin; It took her some time to wrestle it open and she flung the medallion as hard as she could watching it splash into the dark ocean. There was no wave this time but almost at once there was an eyrie wind that struck up hard and the cabin window blew back and slammed and every single pane of glass shattered. Elizabeth nearly jumped out of her skin and retreated to the bed as a cold wind continued to blow through the broken window panes and the smell of gunpowder filled the cabin as the guns discharged again. But then they stopped which confused her and she could not hear return gunfire either.

.

It was hours before any explanation was forthcoming. Or perhaps it only seemed like hours. But it was early morning when James said that the pirates had cut off the pursuit. He looks baffled. "They dropped anchor," he said, "when they were almost upon us and the _Oberon_ has done all it can to increase the gap since. We'll be at the coast of Hispaniola soon enough and the Captain intends to hug the coast and put in if the pirates are spotted." This of course was less than ideal given the island was half French and half Spanish but they were only likely to seize the cargo- not murder the crew and there had been a cease fire with France when they left Jamaica that was almost certainly still in place. He sat by her on the bed and reached for her hand. "It is alright Elizabeth," he said. "You're safe now." She realises she still had hold of the pistol he had left her. So tightly that her knuckles are white and when she lets go her hand aches.

"Oh," she said and then she flung her arms around him. "Oh I'm so sorry James."

He kissed her hair and rubbed her back and shushed her and tells her. "You have no need to be sorry."

"But I do," she said and she did - perhaps she could not tell him it was her who brought the pirates down on them with a cursed medallion. But she had other things to be sorry about "I let you go off to battle pirates and I did not even tell you I love you," she said. "Because I do. I love you James and I could not bear the thought of losing you. Not one bit." James looked struck dumb by her words and she pulled him down on to the bed with her. "I love you," she said again. He held her close for a long time but then pulled away still looking confused.

"I should get back on deck." he said. "An extra pair of eyes will be useful - I want to know when we are in sight of Hispaniola."

And he leaves her there feeling more of a failure of a wife than she had done their entire marriage.

* * *

James does not relax one bit until they sight Port Royal never mind Hispaniola. And he does not relax fully, Elizabeth thought, until they both have their feet on solid ground. He always seemed to be watching her as if she might bite. He takes her home and tells her to rest and was off to the fort. There was little chance the Dauntless will be able to catch such a fast ship but she knew he would go out and try very soon.

.

That night when he came home -late Elizabeth was waiting for him in his bed. He was tired enough to be honest with her. "Elizabeth - I know you had a frightening experience," he said. "It can feel very intense and I know you are glad I am safe - its very sweet of you. But it does not mean you love me."

She nodded seriously. "I suppose not," she said. Then added archly. "What about if I loved you before the pirate attack and just hadn't worked out how to tell you? Does that count or is that all fright too."

James blinked at her and then he looked so hopeful that she could not stand it and could not even be cross anymore. "I was going to say as soon as we got home," she said. "I thought if I told you when were away you would think I was after something. Or wanted to go away again. I wanted to tell you and have you believe it." So she had failed spectacularly there.

"I believe you, now" he said gathering her in his arms. "And once I have caught that pirate ship I will take you on as many trips as you want."

.

"Oh I am done with travelling now," Elizabeth said. "I knew that in Charlestown." She pulled him down into his arms and blushed. The attendant at the hot springs had forbidden her to go in if she were on her courses. Which at least made sense. But Elizabeth had only hoped that James had not heard and had then been struck by the fact she had not once had to turn him away for that reason and then she had known. "I think it is more traditional to get with child on your wedding trip than to realise you already are. But I've never been one for tradition."

James lit up as her words finally sunk in and kissed her. "Truly?" he asked resting one hand on her stomach. Elizabeth was just relieved he was not going to berate himself for putting his pregnant wife in danger.

"Yes," she said. "Truly." She had not been sure about it at all in Charlestown - a baby already. She had not even settled to marriage entirely. But then she had had to spend the night contemplating a pistol and a barrel of gunpowder and had steadily realised she would put up with whatever the pirates did to get home still with child and to have some part of James with her if she lost him.

"You're going to be a father," she told James as he seemed mystified yet thrilled by the very idea and he was still grinning as he pressed her down into the bed to celebrate.


End file.
